We wake before or with the sun. Our faces hard and tight from lack of sleep. We rise and clean away yesterday’s disappointments, our armor placed with perfection. We check our tools and weapons, feed our young and soldiers and march into battle. Our delicate faces brushed by the harsh cold. Our will shaken by opposition, still we march. It is our duty to survive. We do not need a way out. We need to rise to being the warriors we are. We are the backbone of society, the crutch for the weak, the bearers of humanity. We are women. We are warriors, and this world is our battlefield. Hoorah!
As I sit here on the bus next to a beautiful chocolate woman, I notice two young boys across from me who mirror our situation. Light next to dark. The youngest is staring at us both, probably realizing how drastically different women can be. Especially women of color. Her light brown hair and chocolate skin, deep eyebrows, dark eyes and actually nice purple lipstick. Me light bright no makeup slicked back hair, and if I do say, glowing. Lol but it comes to mind, at what age do young men develop a sense of what is beautiful and what isn’t? Is it around the same age girls realize they are different and maybe not as pretty? And then as we age, men and women, children look at us and how we look and dress and build a mold on that. Now of course this mold changes over the years, your tastes, hopefully, become more refined and defined. With this in mind, as women, we shape what men later call beautiful. If they see a constant string of women who are wearing nails, weave, lashes, heels all the time,and makeup they may think of that as their beautiful. Or they could rebuke it completely and think the women who wear their hair natural (pressed or not), dress differently, no makeup or soft, and not always a supermodel are their beautiful. It’s fascinating how we grow in this world, and what we become through the years. We are like wine either we get better with age or…. not. All women are beautiful and that should be defined by yourself before any man. But we have to be careful what we portray to young men and boys with our beauty. Just a thought.
Beautiful Nina Davuluri was crowned Miss America, making her the first with Indian decent. Of course the second the crown touched her head twitter was filled with racist comments and ignorant banter about her heritage and of course her connection to 9/11. There were questions about her being “American enough” to where the crown. America, home of the free, the same home of the 87 year old tradition of Miss America that once held a seventh rule in the handbook saying “contestants must be of good health and of the white race.” Or the “right” race…This is the real America we live in and it’s time we stopped accepting it and ignoring it. Also America boasts being the best and better than other “poorer” countries or countries with cultural beliefs we don’t understand or believe but we are neck in neck with India in racism against Davulri. According to some in India she’s too dark to win at all.>http://wtvr.com/2013/09/22/miss-america-gets-backlash-in-india-for-her-dark-skin/
Also if you’d like to read how far America has come racially, here you can find the comments here>http://publicshaming.tumblr.com/post/61639541662/americans-figure-out-new-miss-americas-actual
Just a thought….
In 1848 the first convention was held to discuss the lack of rights for women in America, in 1896 the National Association of Colored women was formed, it still wasn’t until August 26th 1920 that an amendment was signed allowing women to vote. During this time women were killed, beaten, hung, raped, and degrade in an effort, from men, to show them their place. During the suffrage in 1917, 33 women were arrested for “obstructing sidewalk traffic”. The officers beat them until they were barely alive. When Alice Paul, one of the suffrage leaders, went on a hunger strike she was tied to a chair, a tube shoved down her throat, and force fed liquor for weeks until press got word.
It wasn’t until June 10th 1963 that congress passed the equal pay act making it illegal to pay a woman less than a man. These were still only small steps for women to receive the acknowledgement, not even the treatment, that they were not lesser creatures. Even with these few lesser rights men had the right to rape their wives until about 1976 when Nebraska was the first to make it illegal. Only in 1994 the violence against women act was established making punishment more severe for sex offenders.
Since the beginning of a “civil” state women have been second rung to men in everything. They have been objectified, used, abused, degraded and made to feel that their sexuality is their only worth. With this said I think it’s sad that most conversations, most songs, and most videos I hear or see revolve around demeaning women. Men have placed women in a box or category from which it is very difficult to escape. Women are either too aggressive if they are confident or successful even though a lot of men say they want a “strong” woman, or their whores, sluts, or worth a good fuck. Men go out with the thought in mind that they may get laid. They pick the women they think are willing and go for it. Some women go out with the same thought as these men but the problem is at the end of the night she’s the slut or whore and he’s the shit. This double standard, the perpetual display of video whores being the norm, the feeling in women that they have to be a certain way to attract attention is the reason acronyms like T.H.O.T. are acceptable in our society. We as blacks have made it okay to treat our women as whores and sluts and then we turn around degrade them because they are what society has made them.
I’ve listened to men call women whores all my life. By the way a hoe is a gardening tool, just an f.y.i. And the reasons behind their judgment always seemed…off. I’m 25 and still don’t understand. A woman who is promiscuous is shamed while the men sleeping with all these promiscuous women are hailed. How messed up is our thought process.
Men say they want a good woman and they are above whores or sluts. When men go out they look for the sluttiest looking woman, hope she’s a whore, then degrade her later after they’ve gotten what they want. Men want a good woman. When you get that good woman you as a man, are you going to look her in the eyes and say I’ve been with 25 or more women, so accept me as a good man and not a whore? While if she were to tell you a number under 5 she’s lying or a number over 5 she’s a whore. This is what men are teaching each other, their sons, their families, and worst of all their daughters.
We create this world where sex is everywhere, where you can’t get into places unless skin is showing, where women follow these degrading trends and hope they aren’t degraded themselves, where men make women feel they aren’t worth much unless they look a certain way or put out after a few dates, where the courting process has been made void, where young girls under 15 know how to twerk and we wonder why we are at the level we are at.
Women understand that you are worth more than a short skirt and a good blow job. Have the strength to stand up for yourself and stop falling into these traps. Be confident in who you are and let these fake flashy disrespectful men fall by the wayside. If you all start treating yourselves and each other better weak mean will have no choice but to step up.
Men if you want a good woman stop turning them into whores and sluts by sleeping with everything that moves. Start holding yourselves to a higher degree and stop acting like what you do is okay and not insulting, degrading, and sad. Start judging yourselves as you judge women.
We as a people first should be building each other up not making memes that tear down women and should embarrass the men who post them. That goes for all the women out there who treat other women like trash and degrade them out of whatever self-hate they are holding. Get over it and do better. Women are the creators and keepers of our existence but only if she’s sucks a good dick? But only one, cause any more than that and she’s downgraded from a woman to a whore or T.H.O.T. Acronyms are separated by periods, just another f.y.i. Men are the backbones, or are supposed to be, because they are to uphold morals and keep their woman in good morals. I wonder what happened to that.
We as a people used to be stronger than this. We break each other down, break ourselves down, and are confused by the end result. If a woman or man is nasty with his or her promiscuity then they are just that, nasty. I am by no means saying it’s okay to be overly promiscuous because men and women should have higher standards for themselves. I am saying that if men and women had higher opinions of their own worth, maybe I wouldn’t be afraid to have a daughter in a gutter world like this. I am not a whore, a slut, thot, or any other degrading term you can think of and I don’t know any. You shouldn’t either. Next time you look down at your daughter, niece, sister, or cousin, just think, she could aspire to one become a T.H.O.T! Won’t you be so proud?
Our parents create us and raise us with the hope that we will better their accomplishments or lack of accomplishments and they push us with the hope that we don’t turn out like them one day no matter how perfect some think they are. As children we are raised with our own intentions to rise above what they are or were and to create our own mark on the world. The problem is, even with good intentions both sides stray at times from the proper path.
While our parents are hoping for a brighter future with words of wisdom like, “Do what we say and not what we do” the message is lost in misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and a need created by their hold to break free. With this, at times, misguided need to be free we as children lose our hold on our parents and in turn our hold on our own path.
In this day and age there are some traditions, such as staying with your parents until marriage or children or while taking care of parents, that are resurfacing with a quickness our generation is having trouble keeping up with. We were raised in a time where we were taught to be independent, strong, smart, and capable of handling most anything. Unfortunately that is not the world we live in. We are trapped in a perpetual, however momentary, loop of unemployment, educational boundaries, and uncertainty that makes us need the parents who have tried to teach us to be alone. Unfortunately this is a new aspect to parents who were hoping that the “quality” upbringing, college education, or inherited street smarts would have prepared us for a world they didn’t realize would become so harsh so quickly.
With the new world at our feet and our paths ever changing both sides could give more in the way of understanding the other’s opposition to their own situation. Parents support their children as far as they can and feel miserable that their children are in the situations they are whether the fault be in their hands or not. While children still in need of the support appreciate everything but resent the strain they present. These opposing yet similar feelings create, sometimes, unstable and trying situations both wish they could pull from.
The resentment for one’s own situation can easily be passed to the innocent bystander, mother or daughter, father or son, and the aftermath is not something easily passed over. But we have to, on both sides, realize we, parent or child, may be the reason behind the angst. Our own feelings of disappointment push us to be people we are not, but as the people we are raised to be we should be able to adapt, understand, and move forward with hurt feelings and all and try again. Because love means never having to say you’re sorry. But love is also understanding that, even as a parent, we are not perfect we are only human.
Some parents unfortunately, tend to treat they’re children as if they never grew up and couldn’t possibly know as much as them, ever. This assumption is shown blatantly and is very insulting not only to the child but to the parent as well. Parents spend the entirety on their children’s lives teaching them right from wrong and the basics of survival. Molding them. Even with these teachings they treat their children as if they couldn’t possibly know anything. This is an insult to the parent because that means they didn’t teach anything. Children are products of their parent’s upbringing. They don’t come out the womb with instructions to life so we get them from our parents as they got them from theirs.
Some children can’t see how hard their parents are trying. How their mental angst is making them into the people their children so desperately don’t want to end up like. They deserve the same level of understanding children do. Parents are merely humans who were brought up by humans who made mistakes as well. They are a product of their upbringing as are we. The things that happened in their lives molded what they want or don’t want to happen to their children. Some get it right and some don’t.
Understanding and good parenting are not traits easily passed from one generation to the next. While being a parent, one is still always learning and mistakes are expected. Parents and children should at least have the decency to admit their mistakes and fix them.
We are a generation of confused children raised by a generation of unprepared adults raising babies that get the short end of the stick. This needs to change. As we hope to move forward into a world that is better because we made it that way, we also must look back at the upbringing and mistakes that made us the way we are. That gave us the insecurities, fear, and loathing we all harbor inside. Some had the fortunate experience to have a great home and life. The problem is some of these lucky ones are still lost in their own homes and minds and don’t know why. Some had to bury their parents and make it through the world alone. And some had it bad all their lives and are stuck in a loop. We, parents and children, need to step back and realize we are not perfect, we all have chips on our shoulders we need to fill, and we make mistakes that are sometimes more detrimental than we think. The good thing is we can grow and move past while raising the next generation right. Love, foundation, understanding, discipline, and truth. We are not our parents’ punching bags and our children are not ours.